Fertility – My Story
My story of fertility is long and personal. I openly talk about the IVF process and the steps that finally moved me into motherhood, while shying away from the discussion of the years where I believed I would never be a mother.
The years of pain, tears, unplanned periods and months of irregular mensural cycles. I was a late bloomer, as I am told. I got my first period at the age of 15 as a freshmen in high school. With it came pain, discomfort and days of missing school because I could not even standup from the cramps. What I did not know at the time was that I had endometriosis and that my undiagnosed celiac was a contributor to not going through puberty with the rest of my childhood friends. I was excited in junior high because I never had to plan around my time of the month for swimming or hanging out in the woods playing in the summer.
By the age of 16, I was having super heavy cycles which would last for up to 60 days at a time. I visited my first OB GYN at the age of 16 where I was told I would never be able to have children with my reproductive system acting out of pattern. The doctor did not investigate the cause, he just prescribed birth control pills to stop the bleeding and instructed me to not take the inactive pills. This would keep me from having a period, he said. I still had break through bleeding and the pills did not stop the heavy cycles. I remember them upping the dosage and giving me the highest does of estrogen possible. These worked to stop the bleeding. They increased the stomach pain and I started to reach for pain pills, including borrowing Tylenol 3 from my grandmother to help me sleep through the pain. I would eventually begin to take hydrocodone from the constant pain in my stomach. This was the beginning of my infertility journey.
At the age of 24, I decided to stop the birth control pills without consulting a doctor in hopes of having children and proving the doctor wrong. Month after month, I would secretly hope I could get pregnant and not tell anyone I had stopped the pills. The pregnancy never came.
By the age of 27, I was divorced and living in constant pain. I was drinking to numb the pain and the emotions. I had turned into the party girl. During this part of my life, I met my current husband and the first thing I told him was I could not have children. It was intended to be a shock and ah statement to push him away. I did not work. Thank you God for being bigger than me. By 29, I was in extreme pain and my endometriosis was at stage 4. (This is where I begin my story when I am on tour). Hiding all the years of infertility the raw emotions and pain. Hiding the days I spent crying in the shower and praying for the pain to go away.
In our next few posts, we are going to explore infertility. What is it? How do you begin to overcome it? How the food you eat affects your fertility and even your unborn baby. Dr. Rana told me it’s not the food you are eating right now, it is what you have been eating for the last 10 years that is the problem. He was right. My problem had begun as a child and went undiagnosed and mis-treated for over 14 years. Join me this month as we explore the world of infertility and fertility.